Showing posts with label Erik Erikson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Erik Erikson. Show all posts

19 July 2009

Mark & Sarah's Wedding

Saturday, I had the great privilege to officiate my sister's wedding in Colorado. Here are some notes from the ceremony:

On behalf of Mark, Sarah, and their parents I would like to welcome everyone to Crested Butte this beautiful day. We have come together on top of this mountain to witness the marriage of Mark Denton ... my future Brother-in-Law, and Sarah Holloway ... my sister. Later today we will celebrate with them this important milestone in their relationship.

Erik Erickson believed that a person’s identity, their very self-concept, is defined by their relationships. In my own mind, outside our relationship with our Creator, there is no relationship more important than the relationship between two people married.

Marriage redefines relationships ...

... Not just between the two making a lifetime commitment to each other, but also between friends, family, and co-workers connected to the individuals being married.

The identities of everyone here today ... everyone’s self-concept ... will be changed to some extent by the marriage of Mark and Sarah.


Two days ago I sat with Mark and Sarah and we discussed their relationship and pending marriage. Sarah and Mark talked about their love for each other ... that they view their marriage as a natural step in their relationship ... that they are getting married not because of social pressure, but because they know they want to spend the rest of their lives together, to be able to continue to talk to each other, to listen to each other, to take care of each other.

One thing Mark said that stands out in my mind is that their relationship has been, and he anticipates will continue to be, a type of journey: A journey with both good times they can enjoy together, and a journey with difficult times, where they will need to lean on each other.

Mark, Sarah, here are two things to think about:

First, know that hard times will occasionally come. It is almost impossible to anticipate from which direction they will come, or what form they will take, but they are a part of life.

However, when you “both” focus on the needs of the other, when you each love and serve the other, you will emerge from the hard times closer, stronger, and happier.

Second, know that you will each make mistakes along the way. It is important to remember: The key to a happy marriage is not effective communication alone, but rather the effective communication of forgiveness. -- We are human and we make mistakes. For humans forgiveness and love are inseparable.

Mark ... Sarah ... You are a gift to each other. Your love for each other is observable and evident by the way you take care of each other. Sarah, the other day when I asked you why you wanted to marry Mark tears came to your eyes and your emotion was beautiful. Grow together, and love each other deeply along your journey.


"Father, thank you for the gift of relationships. Bless Mark and Sarah's marriage. We pray for their happiness and that You are glorified by their life together. In Jesus name we pray."

03 May 2009

Identity


The developmental psychologist Erik Erikson said that a person’s identity is formed by relationships. In other words, at the deepest level our self-concept is defined by how we stand in relation to those around us. As people pass in and out of our lives we change . . . who we are changes.

One of the best friends I’ve had in years, John Willneff, moved back to Maryland, Friday. John served on a submarine while in the military. Early on I think we recognized in each other someone else who has witnessed humanity at its worst and then experienced rescue, redemption by an incomprehensible love. Those who have been forgiven much love much.

Jesus said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39). When we surrender self-interest to Love and Truth, we enter into a relationship so profound the change to our identity is described by Jesus as a rebirth. We become something new.

My friend John drew people to him while in Daytona because he radiates Love to those around him and proclaims God’s Truth while doing so. I bet John will continue to do the same in Maryland.

. . . Father, thank you for the opportunity to love and serve people around us. Father, constantly remind us of the great paradox, the more we love others and take the focus off ourselves, the more we find purpose and peace, the closer we are to You. Father, send your angels to protect John Willneff, and send Your Holy Spirit to guide him. We cry out to You in Jesus name.