Nice is Overrated

By Russell Holloway

Last week my oldest son told me while we were standing around in the kitchen, “You are a pretty good dad, but I wish you were a little nicer.”

This made me laugh. Lucas is a talented and tough negotiator. There is little doubt in my mind that he could represent the International Brotherhood of Teamsters some day. And, I am sure he was being honest when he said that I am not always nice.

I admit that I have a temper that gets away from me now and then, but his comment had more to do with recent disappointment in not getting what he wanted than it did with me not being nice.

You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

In any case, being nice is not my job as a parent. Friendship destroys the parent/child relationship. Friends are equals. When a parent and child start behaving as equals chaos and misery, for everyone, soon follow.

My job as a parent is to love my children. Love is teaching my children. Love is being patient with my children. Love is listening to my children and showing them affection.

Love is often saying no to my children and disciplining them, sometimes at the risk of making them angry with me or causing great disappointment in their lives. When this happens in our home I sometimes think my heart will stop, literally, but what my children learn is more important than what they temporarily think about me.

God has blessed me with two amazing boys. In the kitchen Lucas wrapped his arms around me, shut his eyes, and said, “I love you daddy.” I know he does. And, I love him and his brother more than life.

... Father, thank You for Your son. Thank You for the gift of children. Let us never take them for granted. Father, we cannot raise them without Your love and help. Give us the courage to be good parents. In Jesus name ...

If God had a name

This post is part of Bridget Chumbley's one word at a time blog carnival. The word today is Self-Control. Please go check out the other posts.

The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be as many for love. - Margeret Atwood

Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. - Psalm 9:10

Last week I was in the middle of Golden Gate Park, San Francisco, standing on a grassy hill with my oldest son Lucas. We were watching a cohort of about fifteen drummers at the foot of the hill pound away on their drums. They were talented, there is no doubt about that. The one lonely saxophone that joined them played drawn-out minor cords that added urgency to the music.

In the middle of the pack of drummers, a young woman danced unrestrained, almost unaware of onlookers, something between a 1960s hippy dance and a Turkish belly dance. You could believe that she was Herodias' daughter herself. Everyone on the hill, all the drummers, too, were mesmerized by the woman. No one could take their eyes off of her.

How did she get there and what is her name?

Counselors know everyone has battle scars. What stories do her scars tell?

What does she want?

+++

The need for love is the great engine that drives the human experience. Humans, all of us, start out wanting nothing more than to be loved. Many of us are hurt along the way and abandon the pursuit of love for a time; we think it protects us from being hurt again. But, love, in one way or another, informs everything we do.

The young woman in Golden Gate Park just wants to be loved, like you, like me.

Test everything. Hold on to the good. – 1 Thessalonians 5:21

Over time I have experimented with a lot of different behaviors to gain love. The only love that has lasted is the love that emanates from the creator of love.

God is love. If it does not look and feel like love, if it does not withstand hardship, if it does not stand the test of time, it is not from God.

I will likely never know the dancing woman's name ... but, God's name I know. His name is mercy, and love, and forgiveness, and peace. He has other names I am still learning. Eventually all of His names will be seared onto my heart.

My prayer is that you find love that lasts. And, I pray that the woman dancing in Golden Gate Park finds love that lasts, too. I thank God for you, for her, I thank God for teaching us what love is … in Jesus name I pray.

If I Listen

About a month ago my two boys were in the backyard playing. Still warm outside, they were running around the pool, laughing, being boys.

My six-years-old, Lucas, stopped and told his four-year-old brother, Tristan, “I have a loose tooth. Punch it out.”

It might seem improbable that a four-year-old could knock his brother’s tooth out. But Tristan has an orange belt in karate and he knows how to throw a reasonable punch.

Lucas stood still like a soldier, smiling, offering an easy target to his brother. Tristan took aim, let out a little laugh full of excitement, and with his left fist started pounding his brother in the teeth ... They were both laughing.

***

Raising children is hard.

Just when I figure my boys out, they change. They are always getting smarter and learning new tricks. – At the same time, I make a lot of mistakes. I get impatient. I jump to conclusions. I don’t always listen to them when I should. I yell...

One time I yelled at Tristan so loud he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Daddy you’re making my heart shake.” Talk about feeling like a parent in need of remedial training.

I need God’s help in many areas of my life, but none more than in the area of raising my children. It is an awesome responsibility. I’m not perfect, but I know if I ask, and if I listen, my Father in heaven will guide me.

***

In his bathing suit Lucas walked up to me with a big smile on his face, blood dripping down his chin. “Look Dad!” He stretched out his hand. “I lost another tooth!” Tristan was standing proud by his side.

“You sure did. Let me see it.”

I love those boys so much. As they ran back and did cannonballs into the pool, I shook my head with a grin on my face and thanked God again for being a God of second chances.

Think Jesus

The first person I met who publicly attacked Christianity was an English professor at the University of Kansas. He was a likable guy, but whenever he quoted the Bible he made sure to call it Christian Mythology. He inflected his voice one octave higher and spoke slowly when he said the words Christian Mythology. No one challenged him. Everyone wanted to pass the course.

Later, during graduate school, I witnessed followers of Jesus ridiculed and intimidated in the classroom for their belief that Jesus is the only lasting answer to an ever faster collapsing humanity.

These were non-political, humble followers of Jesus. They were afraid. But, their faith and perseverance, all rapped in love, taught me so much.

Last week out of the blue, while we were climbing out of our van, my six-year-old son Lucas said: Jesus came into the world to show us what good is.

He said it like - Jesus can show us chocolate cake tastes great, or Jesus can show us waterslides are cool, or Jesus can show us birthday parties are fun.

Lucas said it like there is no way we could enjoy any of these things if it were not for Jesus.

The hair on the back of my arms stood up ... I knew Lucas was right.

The Bible teaches us that although our faith will bring us internal peace, we can expect to suffer at times for following Jesus. As one Christian writer put it, the people who attack us are not the enemy, but hostages to the enemy. People who persecute us are also God’s children.

In time some of them will come to recognize the author of everything that is good and the eternal truth Lucas unknowingly spoke about.

And, for some it will be the hope, the faith, and the love we reflect ... while we suffer for our belief in Jesus ... that will draw them home.

... Father, above all else, thank you for your Son, Jesus Christ. Father, thank you for little children who teach us big lessons about Your love for us. Father, we pray for those who do not know Your love and peace. Father, command our spirits to act in love, so that You are glorified. In Jesus name we pray ...