Question of the Week: What is Biblical Reconciliation?

by Anne Lang Bundy

"Reconciliation"
Sculpted by Josefina de Vasconcellos
(image source: trinityfellowship.net)

What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, (in the sense of being available for further abuse)?
~ Anonymous

Last week's post provided some contrasts from the Bible about forgiveness, separation and accountability. This week offers some examples of how enmity, forgiveness and reconciliation might play out.

Three important notes in preface:

• if a Christian experiences enmity, relationship with Christ will bring the desire to eliminate it;

• the below examples of forgiveness and reconciliation are biblical ideals toward which God's Holy Spirit enables us to work, whether or not we reach them;

• the person who has been wronged should not only be ready to forgive and reconcile, but also ask God if there is anything for which he or she should repent and ask forgiveness.

"Love your enemies,
bless those who curse you,
do good to those who hate you,
and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,
that you may be sons of your Father in heaven;
for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good,
and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?
Do not even the [heathen] do the same?"
~ Jesus (Matthew 5:44-46)

EXAMPLES OF ENMITY:

You hurt me and I hope you suffer for it.

I want to hurt you back, whether I do it openly or secretly, with or without restraint.

I want you out of my life. Your death wouldn't bother me. Killing you myself isn't out of the question.


EXAMPLES OF FORGIVENESS:

If I hate you, it will hurt me more than it will hurt you, so I release my enmity. God's forgiveness and love enable me to forgive and love you, and I choose to do so.

I am willing to hold you accountable for your wrongdoing with the hope that your repentance will enable full reconciliation between you and God, between you and me.

I ask God to do good things for you. I seek opportunity to be an agent of His blessing. I wait for God to heal the injury you have done to me. I hope God will move you to become an agent of that healing by your right response to Him, expressed to me.


EXAMPLES OF RECONCILIATION:

Whether you and I associate peaceably or have no contact, your lack of repentance has prevented reconciliation between us. But my forgiveness prevents enmity toward you—even if circumstances prevent me from escaping further injury. Though I desire reconciliation with you, I instead reconcile myself to knowing I have done as much as I can. I am at peace.

Or:
You have repented—you have acknowledged your wrong against me, you have expressed remorse and apology, and you may have reconciled yourself to God through Jesus. Forgiveness and repentance enables you and I to experience reconciliation. But until your cooperation with God enables you to overcome the behavior which led you to hurt me, we cannot share the level of relationship I still hope for, which I pray God brings to pass. I am at peace.

Or:
Your thorough repentance and my thorough forgiveness have enabled our reconciliation to God and to each other. We are brother(s) and sister(s) through Jesus Christ and are free to enjoy that relationship in love. I am at peace.

Now all things are of God,
who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ,
and has given us the ministry of reconciliation ...
and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (NKJV)

Photo credit: Ed Gardener, Flickr.com

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What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below (anonymous questions welcome), or email buildingHisbody [plus] @ gmail.com.

© 2011 Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Question of the Week: Relationship Priorities?

by Anne Lang Bundy



“Should you go to the person who needs you more or the person you love?”
~ Renatta Szukhent, Michigan

We are to love everyone. Everyone has needs we can meet. And the Bible's directions on how we respond to others is usually put in the context of relationship. So let’s look at priorities with one another based on relationship.

The greatest commandment gives God primary priority. Only when we first love Him with all heart, soul, mind, and strength are we able to truly love others or effectively minister to them.

The second commandment says love neighbor as self. Like the airline directive to don your own oxygen mask before assisting others, nurturing our own souls in God’s Word, Spirit and love enables us to love others equally.

Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
~ Philippians 2:4 (NKJV)

Here are priorities set by the Bible:

First: Spouse (with whom we’re one flesh, part of “self”) –
So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
(Ephesians 5:28-29 NKJV;
also see Matthew 19:4-6 & 1 Corinthians 6:18)

Second: Immediate Household (parents and children) –
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
(1 Timothy 5:8 NKJV;
also see Ephesians 6:1-3 & 2 Corinthians 12:14)

Third: Household of Faith (Christians; called “brother” or “brethren”) –
Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.
(Galatians 6:10 NKJV;
also see Ephesians 4:1-6 & Romans 12:4-5)

Last: All Unbelievers (as the Lord brings them into our lives) –
And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all ...
(1 Thessalonians 3:12 NKJV;
also see 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 & Luke 10:29-37)

[LATE ADDENDUM TO POST: – There is actually one more category of people the Bible places after this: the person who claims to be a Christian but lives in flagrant and continuing immorality, committing serious sin without repentance, bringing disgrace to the name of Christ.
See Matthew 18:15-17 and 1 Corinthians 5:9-13.]

The unbeliever might seem to have greater need for love and ministry than the believer, but the Bible gives preference to other Christians, with whom we are to be united.

We might seem judgmental to categorize others as "Christian" or "unbeliever," but the Bible makes that distinction, and also between "judgment" which condemns and "discernment" which protects.

No one is able to meet all the needs of others, no matter how close their relationship. The Lord alone is able to meet all human need. Maintaining a close relationship with the Lord enables us to discern how He desires to meet their needs through us.

And incidently, even God needs us—He needs the praise, worship, and fellowship which flow naturally out of our love for Him.

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When she posed the above question, Renatta also asked about the difference between religion and spirituality. Next week's Q&A will tackle this.

© 2010 Anne Lang Bundy
Image source: 21stcenturystrategiesinc.com

To the stranger I will never meet

In the early fall of last year I met Kari Cobham at a Daytona Beach, tweet-up. Kari hails from the southern most region of the Caribbean. She is a hard working journalist who seems to love her profession, and a talented writer. Check out her blog A mi ver.

To the stranger I will never meet:

I didn't want to get up this morning, step into clothes, rise into the winter sun. But there were birthdays to prepare for and stories to be chased.

I sped off from the store, helium balloons bobbing in the back seat, thinking about my next interview 35 miles away. At work, I printed background documents to read and ran off to grab lunch on the way. That's when I noticed my wallet was gone.

The searching went on for no more than five minutes, in my car, upstairs at my desk. Things were just getting frantic when the phone rang. My neighbor. And I just knew.

You found my wallet in the middle of the street, checked the address on my license, and brought it straight to my doorstep. I wasn't there when you knocked so you left it with the neighbors.

Sometimes it's easy to lose faith in the good when one writes about crime and hears about death like I do all the time. They call it the Mean World Syndrome. But I always imagine that life is an interesting, tragic journey of intersecting paths, and today, yours crossed mine.

I don't know your name--you didn't leave it--so I can't tell you "thank you". But, thank you. I'm glad there are people like you in the world. And I'm glad we met.

Be blessed.
Kari Cobham

Pretend Perfection

I want them if they want me.

- Jane's Addiction

No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

- Don Swartz

If you go to church long enough you'll get your heart stomped on. With people involved, it's a given.

There is an adolescent boy I know who was asked to leave church after his father left his family to go live with another man. The boy did not even live with his father, but during his greatest time of need, he was viewed as too much of a danger to the other kids . . . Do you want to guess what his view of church might be?

So many times I hear people tell me how isolated they feel, because they cannot live up to the real or perceived expectations of people in their church. - "I'm expected to be perfect, and I have so many hurts and secrets I need to share with someone . . . but can't at my church."

Many churches today load parishioners down with the burden of pretend perfection, and beyond throwing rules and Bible verses at them, refuse to lift a finger to help them.

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God's love is sufficient to get us through a lot, but Scripture is crystal clear about God wanting us to help and depend on each other.

We are relational beings . . . made to love each other . . . made to be patient with each other . . . made to sit with and not judge each other during times of sorrow or personal defeat. We were created to need each other.

God says that our relationship with Him is incomplete if we are not in a loving relationship with each other.

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There are loving and kind people at church, too. The most amazing acts of sacrifice and compassion I have witnessed have come from people within the church.

There are church members and leaders who are transparent about their imperfections, and because of that, others in their faith community feel less isolated and consequently . . . loved.

If you have been hurt by members of a church, please do not let that become an excuse to ignore the healing love of Jesus Christ.

Jesus loves you. He knows you are way less than perfect. In fact He doesn't ask you or anyone else attending a church to be perfect.

He asks us to believe in Him. He asks us to be in the process of surrendering to His love. He asks us to love one another.

When 'all three' are present in our lives, we find peace.

Give Peace A Chance

The weight of scripture points to the fact we are not meant to go through life alone. We are relational beings. We need each other to live, to survive, to make sense of life . . . to understand our Creator.

It is in the context of relationships that the human experience unfolds. Without people, without relationships, life has no texture.

Jesus said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27

Humans have the power to precipitate nearly all emotions, but peace, emotional peace, comes to us as a gift from a Father who loves us. Only God can give us peace.

Jesus came into the world to complete the most important relationship of all.

Jesus is the bridge to the Father. He knows the world is full of empty promises. He knows you struggle. He knows life is unfair and unjust. He cares for you deeply.

If you trust Him, if you surrender, you will find the peace you are looking for.

Life Raft

In Berlin the best place to watch people is in the subway. There it’s called the U-bahn.

When I lived and worked in Berlin, I’d step on the train and watch people jump on and off at each stop. The smell of pretzels and other pastries followed people through the metal doors and onto the train at certain stops. I miss it.

All those people, entering and exiting the train. All those stories. Coming from someplace, going somewhere else.

You look at a person, maybe into their eyes for a second ... an elderly gentleman, a college student ... and what do you really know about them?

This weekend I listened to my friend Richard speak publicly about the abduction of his six-year-old son; and Richard's two-year search until his boy was found.

When Richard told the story of their cheerless reunion, his son’s seeming rejection of him, the continuing difficulties, the hole in Richard's heart, it was hard to hold back tears.

What do we really know about the people we see every day? Many stories unfold hard.

Richard has such a solid, durable faith. It surrounds a fragile heart I think. He loves and clings to Jesus Christ like a man clings to a life raft.

John 3:17 teaches us that Jesus was sent by a loving Father not to condemn the world, but to save it.

What do we know about the people we see everyday? -- They need love, forgiveness, compassion, sometimes they need an endless supply of second chances ...

They need the Man who modeled and embodies all of these things. And, they need us to carry out His work.



. . . Father, thank You for Richard. Thank you for loving us. Thank You for life. Father, we cry out to you in Jesus name to mend broken hearts and broken lives. Command our spirits to never take a stranger for granted. They have a story and are Your children, too. In Jesus name we pray . . .

March toward the sound of the guns

The Christian writer Donald Miller said one time that when it comes to following Jesus he hates military analogies.

Maybe.

There are people who take it too far for sure. These are usually people who forget Jesus enjoined us to pray for our enemies, show mercy to those who are merciless toward us, help those who would forget us during our times of need. - Love, Truth, Forgiveness: these are the weapons Christ gives us to use in the struggle between Good and evil.

Soldiers sometimes become disoriented during the confusion of battle. Sometimes a soldier’s most recent directive is no longer applicable to their current situation.

There is an old military adage, which states: March toward the sound of the guns. This directive simply means that if you don’t know what else to do, go to where the fighting is most intense. This is where you are needed.

There are times I ask myself: where are the guns the loudest in my life? Does the single parent of three across the street need help? Is there a person from work who lost a family member and needs someone to listen to them? Is there a person in my life who is suffering because they made a mistake, hurt other people, and needs someone to remind them that we all make mistakes ... even if we do not all get caught ... and despite everything else, they are still valuable and loved by their Creator. And, that forgiveness is available.

Where are the guns loudest in your life, in your community?

March toward the sound of the guns.

"Father. I am amazed by Your love. Forgive me for my inactions. You are a loving Father full of patience and forgiveness. Move us closer to Your heart. Your ways. Command our spirits to recognize and then follow Your ways. In Jesus name we pray."

Identity

The developmental psychologist Erik Erikson said that a person’s identity is formed by relationships. In other words, at the deepest level our self-concept is defined by how we stand in relation to those around us. As people pass in and out of our lives we change . . . who we are changes.

One of the best friends I’ve had in years, John Willneff, moved back to Maryland, Friday. John served on a submarine while in the military. Early on I think we recognized in each other someone else who has witnessed humanity at its worst and then experienced rescue, redemption by an incomprehensible love. Those who have been forgiven much love much.

Jesus said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39). When we surrender self-interest to Love and Truth, we enter into a relationship so profound the change to our identity is described by Jesus as a rebirth. We become something new.

My friend John drew people to him while in Daytona because he radiates Love to those around him and proclaims God’s Truth while doing so. I bet John will continue to do the same in Maryland.

. . . Father, thank you for the opportunity to love and serve people around us. Father, constantly remind us of the great paradox, the more we love others and take the focus off ourselves, the more we find purpose and peace, the closer we are to You. Father, send your angels to protect John Willneff, and send Your Holy Spirit to guide him. We cry out to You in Jesus name.

Life Can Get Crazy

Life can get crazy, even painful at times. More than once I’ve found comfort in the following passage of scripture, “The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” 1 John 2:17

The first part of this verse promises that the sea of sorrow we swim in will one day be gone. The second half of the verse begs the question: What is God’s will?

Jesus answered this question for us in the book of Matthew, Chapter 22. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.”

I believe Jesus is saying we cannot love God without loving each other. A professed love for God without love for people usually leads to cold legalistic religion. And, love for people without a love for God and His Truth almost always disintegrates into narcissistic self-love.

PRAYER REQUEST: Port Orange Counseling Center needs a licensed professional counselor. Please pray that His will is done and that if it is His will He sends one to us.

“Father, thank You for teaching us how to love You and each other. Let us never forget that this world is temporary and that You are in control. We turn our lives over to You. In Jesus name we pray.”

Blessings,