Question of the Week: What is Biblical Reconciliation?

by Anne Lang Bundy

"Reconciliation"
Sculpted by Josefina de Vasconcellos
(image source: trinityfellowship.net)

What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, (in the sense of being available for further abuse)?
~ Anonymous

Last week's post provided some contrasts from the Bible about forgiveness, separation and accountability. This week offers some examples of how enmity, forgiveness and reconciliation might play out.

Three important notes in preface:

• if a Christian experiences enmity, relationship with Christ will bring the desire to eliminate it;

• the below examples of forgiveness and reconciliation are biblical ideals toward which God's Holy Spirit enables us to work, whether or not we reach them;

• the person who has been wronged should not only be ready to forgive and reconcile, but also ask God if there is anything for which he or she should repent and ask forgiveness.

"Love your enemies,
bless those who curse you,
do good to those who hate you,
and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,
that you may be sons of your Father in heaven;
for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good,
and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?
Do not even the [heathen] do the same?"
~ Jesus (Matthew 5:44-46)

EXAMPLES OF ENMITY:

You hurt me and I hope you suffer for it.

I want to hurt you back, whether I do it openly or secretly, with or without restraint.

I want you out of my life. Your death wouldn't bother me. Killing you myself isn't out of the question.


EXAMPLES OF FORGIVENESS:

If I hate you, it will hurt me more than it will hurt you, so I release my enmity. God's forgiveness and love enable me to forgive and love you, and I choose to do so.

I am willing to hold you accountable for your wrongdoing with the hope that your repentance will enable full reconciliation between you and God, between you and me.

I ask God to do good things for you. I seek opportunity to be an agent of His blessing. I wait for God to heal the injury you have done to me. I hope God will move you to become an agent of that healing by your right response to Him, expressed to me.


EXAMPLES OF RECONCILIATION:

Whether you and I associate peaceably or have no contact, your lack of repentance has prevented reconciliation between us. But my forgiveness prevents enmity toward you—even if circumstances prevent me from escaping further injury. Though I desire reconciliation with you, I instead reconcile myself to knowing I have done as much as I can. I am at peace.

Or:
You have repented—you have acknowledged your wrong against me, you have expressed remorse and apology, and you may have reconciled yourself to God through Jesus. Forgiveness and repentance enables you and I to experience reconciliation. But until your cooperation with God enables you to overcome the behavior which led you to hurt me, we cannot share the level of relationship I still hope for, which I pray God brings to pass. I am at peace.

Or:
Your thorough repentance and my thorough forgiveness have enabled our reconciliation to God and to each other. We are brother(s) and sister(s) through Jesus Christ and are free to enjoy that relationship in love. I am at peace.

Now all things are of God,
who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ,
and has given us the ministry of reconciliation ...
and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 (NKJV)

Photo credit: Ed Gardener, Flickr.com

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What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below (anonymous questions welcome), or email buildingHisbody [plus] @ gmail.com.

© 2011 Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Question of the Week: Forgiveness or Reconciliation?

by Anne Lang Bundy

What is the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation (in the context of being vulnerable to further abuse)?
~ Anonymous

Once again, a question is posed which defies adequate explanation on a lone page. This week, five contrasts from the Bible will be presented. Next week will look at how biblical truth plays out in relationships.

Accountability & Forgiveness:

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more ... if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen ..." (Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV)

"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:21-22 NKJV)

Holding someone accountable for doing wrong to you, with a goal of reconciliation, is separate from the unrelenting forgiveness of heart that Jesus teaches.

Non-resistance & Escape:

"But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also." (Matthew 5:39 NKJV)

And as they bound him with thongs, Paul said to the centurion who stood by, "Is it lawful for you to scourge a man who is a Roman, and uncondemned?" ... Then immediately those who were about to examine him withdrew from him. (Acts 22:25,29 NKJV; other examples of escape are Acts 5:17-20; 9:23-25;12:7-10)

Jesus both taught and set the example of accepting abuse without retaliation. But we should avoid injury when possible.

Marriage, Separation, Divorce:

A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife... If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And [likewise] a woman ... if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:10-15 NKJV)

God hates divorce. If separation is necessary, Christians are instructed to remain unmarried and work for reconciliation. Only if the non-believing spouse divorces is the believer released from the marriage. (An exception is divorce for sexual immorality—see "Can Marital Sex be Sinful?")

Willing Suffering:

But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps. (1 Peter 2:20-21 NKJV)

There really are some circumstances when suffering is preferable to quitting a situation or quitting a person. God's will and guidance are necessary for discernment.

Peace With Others & Peace Within:

Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. (Romans 12:17-18 NKJV)

Reconciliation doesn't always happen after we offer forgiveness. As much as depends on us, we must offer peace—and then be at peace.

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What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below (anonymous questions welcome), or email buildingHisbody [plus] @ gmail.com.

© 2011 Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.
Image source: "Reconciliation in Sri Lanka"

Question of the Week: Aren't Rules of Forgiveness Unfair?

by Anne Lang Bundy

"We are most like men when we judge.
We are most like God when we forgive."
~ Anonymous

If God required a sacrifice to forgive, why should I be asked to forgive without receiving one?
~ Anonymous

In the parable of the unforgiving servant, how could the master put the servant in prison for a debt that had been forgiven?
~ J.F.

Since the master in the parable represents God, both questions imply that God unfairly applies the rules of forgiveness. There are innumerable responses that might offered for the first question. The answer offered here today will address the aspect of ownership, nicely illustrated by the parable in the second question.

Declaring bankruptcy was not an option in ancient times. Debts were paid by selling your possessions, by selling your family members or yourself as slaves, or by going to prison unless someone of means paid the debt on your behalf. Jesus tells a parable of a servant who owes millions of dollars. His master says the man, his family, and his possessions will be sold in payment. The man begs for mercy and patience to make good on his debt—as if he can. The master shows great mercy by simply forgiving the debt.

Take note that the servant is already a slave (Greek doulos). All he has belongs to the master anyway. Being sold would have separated him from his family and given him a different master, but forgiveness has not given him ownership of himself. The forgiven slave still serves at his master's pleasure, and he has incurred a new debt—the debt of gratitude.

The master owns the slave, the debt, all assets the slave considers his own, and all the slave's service. The master also owns a fellow slave whom the first slave assaults and imprisons for a minor debt. And since the master owns both slaves, he actually owns that minor debt, too. In forgiving the first debt and wiping the slate clean, the master has effectively wiped out the associated debt of the second slave.

If debtor's prison serves as punishment and deterrent for willfully acquiring debt without ability or intent to repay, then the first slave deserved prison in the first place. His refusal to extend a small measure of mercy not only proves him evil and unworthy of the mercy he received, but his ingratitude trivializes the master's goodness. The slave's actions say to the master: "What you gave me is insignificant compared to what this other slave should give me."

Jesus Christ is the payment for our sins, and not only for our sins, but also for the sins of the whole world.
~ 1 John 2:2 (GW)

When Jesus was crucified, His sacrifice paid the death penalty every one of us owes God for our sins. Once I accept application of that payment to my account, it also wipes out whatever sin debt I think someone else owes me, and which is actually owed to our mutual Master.

Though we may ask for our offenders to be held accountable, we cannot ask for sacrifice. The sacrifice for all sin has already been made.

[POST SCRIPT: Please see the comments below for more discussion of Jesus' atonement and God's authority to require it.]

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For more on the reasons to forgive and the associated blessings, see Why Forgive?

What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below (anonymous questions welcome), or email buildingHisbody [plus] @ gmail.com.

© 2011 Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.
image source: jshinn.wordpress.com

A past rewritten

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. ~William Stafford

Children are much better at forgiveness than their parents. We talk about a parent’s innate love for a child like it is a given, but counselors know that is not always true.

Many parents, maybe most parents at one point or another, are willing to sacrifice their children on the altar of self-interest, often in seemingly small ways, sometimes in ways that make us ashamed to be human.

This weekend the pastor of Beachside Church, in Ormond Beach, Florida, Robbie O’Brien, proposed that forgiveness essentially rewrites history. Forgiveness, bundled up with the mystery of grace, can transcend time, and heal.

Young children know this intuitively. Children continue to love those who take their love for granted.

I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. – Jesus the Messiah

The human capacity for cruelty stopped surprising me a long time ago. What still catches me off guard now and then is the power of forgiveness and those who offer forgiveness.

Just one example among many, I know of a girl who went to her dying father’s bedside in a hospital to forgive him for molesting her. Where does that kind of strength come from? How could I dare withhold forgiveness from people who have hurt me after hearing a story like that? What does a story like that say about the power of love?

Forgiveness is without a doubt a process. A process we need a loving God to guide us through.

Prayer, and tears, and anger, and more prayers, and more tears, mark our steps as we move toward forgiveness. But, the end effect is peace and healing, and maybe a past rewritten.

... Father, You are our God, and we praise you for being a God of love and mercy. Father, teach us to forgive. We cry out to You in Jesus name ...

Question of the Week: How to Forgive Self?

by Anne Lang Bundy

"What does the Bible say about forgiving yourself?
What does it say about our faith
when we still experience guilt after being forgiven?"

~ Anonymous

Last year I spoke to a group of ladies gathered for a church rummage swap. I compared sin and guilt to the trash discovered during spring cleaning. The drastically condensed version below is a bit longer than my usual answer, but it makes the point "cleanly." ;D

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There are three kinds of trash in our lives.

The FIRST is trash that has always been trash and always will be trash. Until we clean it out, it will sit around and make the house dirty.

The ugly little critter above is trash.

Let us lay aside every weight,
and the sin which so easily ensnares us.
Hebrews 12:1 (NKJV)

Until we go looking for dust bunnies in all the places they like to hide, they just keep getting bigger.

Sin is like a hidden dust bunny. We need God's Spirit to show us what sin is hiding in our hearts. Until we clean sin out of our lives, it will make our souls sick and dirty and just plain ugly.

The SECOND kind of trash is stuff that used to be good and useful, but isn't anymore.

Guilt is good when it makes us feel bad for sin so that we'll want to ask forgiveness.

If we confess our sins,
He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins
and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9 (NKJV)

The first Person we need forgiveness from is God. God sent Jesus to die for our sins so that we could say to God (in our own words), "Father God, since Your Son Jesus took my punishment for sin, would You please forgive me and give me peace with You and be Lord of my life?"

When we say we’re “saved,” we mean that because we have God’s forgiveness, we’re saved from any punishment for sin after we die.

But even if we’re saved, there are at least three reasons we might experience guilt:

1) we still sin, and we still need to confess that sin to God so He can clean it out of our lives;
2) if we haven't done it yet and if it's possible, we have guilt until we ask forgiveness from the people who have been hurt by our sin;
3) if we've asked forgiveness from God and others, (even if they refuse forgiveness), and we still have guilt, then we're allowing someone to remind us of our sin in a way that steals the joy and the peace of forgiveness.

There is therefore now no condemnation
to those who are in Christ Jesus.
Romans 8:1 (NKJV)

When guilt compels us to confess sin and ask forgiveness, it's from God’s Spirit and is a good thing called conviction. But when guilt stops being conviction from God and it starts being condemnation—whether from the devil, from others, or from ourselves—it has become trash which must be thrown away and replaced with the truth of Scriptures like the one above.

The LAST kind of trash started out as trash, but is no longer trash.

These tiny cheeses each come wrapped in wax to stay fresh.

You peel open and eat the cheese, then throw away the wax—unless you're my daughter Elizabeth, who found a way to make treasure out of trash.

Elizabeth shaped this rose using only her fingers.

God can do the same thing.

The story of Joseph and the brothers who sold him into slavery 22 years earlier comes to a climax when they voice fear that he will now retaliate. Joseph responds:

"Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." (Genesis 50:19-20)

God used something as ugly as his brothers’ hatred to put Joseph where God could use him to save the lives of his family during a famine.

Every person here has been hurt by sin, and sin is always trash. But we have a God so good and so powerful that He can shape the leftovers of sin and hurt into something good, whether it is our own sin or someone else sinned against us.

God wants to heal our hearts from the hurt that sin causes. The first step is obtaining forgiveness from God, and then asking it of others. It’s just as important for us to forgive, even if we haven't been asked for forgiveness.

If Joseph hadn’t forgiven his brothers before they even knew who he was, he would have killed them or put them in prison instead of saving their lives. But because he forgave them, something bad became something good.

When we forgive the sins of others, we begin to turn evil into good. We begin to be free in our own hearts from the hurt they've caused us.

And in the practice of forgiving others, we also learn to forgive ourselves.

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What questions do you have about Christianity or the Bible? You're invited to leave them in the comments below or here, with your name or as Anonymous.

© 2010 Anne Lang Bundy, all rights reserved.

Question of the Week: Why Forgive?

by Anne Lang Bundy


“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
~ Mark Twain

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Why should someone constantly forgive someone they love OVER and OVER for the same thing? At what point would the smart choice be to leave? ~ Anonymous

Oy vey what a question! Where to start?

Let’s begin by talking about “smart.”

Smart follows this logic:
God is wiser than I am.
God loves me and wants to bless me.
Therefore, doing what God says is good for me.

God’s greatest act was a response to humanity’s greatest need. Our greatest need is not for joy, or peace, or even love. Our greatest need is for the forgiveness which makes joy, peace and love possible. God provides what we need to obtain His forgiveness and receive freedom from our sins (through the death of Jesus Christ); He also directs us to forgive others so that we obtain freedom from the sins committed against us.

Forgiveness acts in cooperation with God toward His blessing.

Among the biggest objections to forgiveness are:
1) What about justice?
2) What about putting a stop to sin?
3) What about protecting the person being hurt by sin?

1) Forgiveness means allowing justice to be handled by the proper government, church, or perhaps family authority. Where no authority seems able or willing to enact justice, it must be left in the hands of God. As a former police officer, a former church board member, and a daughter, wife and mother, I can attest that human authorities all fail at perfect justice anyway. We should nonetheless seek their intervention as appropriate, remembering that final justice and vengeance lies solely in the hands of God, whose decision is perfect. To seek our own vengeance on any level is to accuse God of being inadequate.

2) Putting an end to sin requires repentance. An authority might compel outward repentance. We can ask for sincere and inward repentance. But the thorough heart repentance which puts an end to sin is possible only through God, with the cooperation of the offender.

3) Sin will always hurt someone. Sin and suffering are part of life on Planet Earth. When sin is overtly abusive, it is certainly appropriate to make attempts to protect those it injures. But instead of asking “when is it smart to leave?” the question is “what is the next step?” There is no way to anticipate all the next steps and their timing except by asking God. The person who is willing to act according to God’s plan will get answers from Him:

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
~ Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NKJV)

Here are a few more reasons to forgive:

• sin is against God, and owned by him; to forgive is merely acknowledging His ownership and allowing Him to deal with sin
• forgiveness sets both parties free
• failing to forgive causes bitterness, which harms its holder
• we repeatedly sin against God, needing His forgiveness "over and over"
• forgiveness does not remove accountability
• forgiveness does not remove the need to rebuild trust and relationship
• forgiveness does not remove consequences

This is an extremely brief piece on the hardest thing we are asked to do. I did another, guest post earlier this week on forgiveness, titled “Divine Gift.” A number of questions about forgiveness were posed, and I provided additional answers in the comments there. I invite you to look at them if you’re interested in further thoughts. You’re also welcome to ask as many more questions as you’d like in the comments below.

© 2010 Anne Lang Bundy
Image source: ayalasmellyblog.blogspot.com

The X-factor

The most important thing in life is to learn how to love, and to let it in. - Morrie Schwartz

An individual does not have enough fingers and toes to count all of the theoretical approaches to psychotherapy. Psychoanalysis, Family Systems Therapy, Person Centered Counseling, Reality Therapy, and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, are the names of just a few.

Many of the approaches to therapy and counseling contradict each other in theory and practice, yet all enjoy some degree of efficacy and support.

What analysis is all about is for one hour a week, you sit and hope that for a flash of a moment you will experience connectedness.
-Marion Woodman

Irvin D. Yalom, M.D., one of the fathers of existential therapy, and the author of Love's Executioner, asked how can competing approaches to counseling all work? What factor do they have in common?

Yalom answers his own question. He believes that healing takes place, in all of the theoretical approaches, when a person admits their deepest fears and secrets to another human being … and still feels accepted and valued.

But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners. – Matthew 9:13

There are so many places in scripture where Jesus talks about reaching out to each other. We all need to be listened to. We all need compassion. We all need to be able to tell our stories, not be judged, and to feel loved.

We are the conduits of what Jesus came to Earth to offer humanity: love, mercy, and forgiveness.

... Father, we thank you for being a God of second chances. Father, forgive us for not listening to each other. Father, turn our hearts and teach us to love the way that you love. In Jesus name we pray ...

Killing was easy

"You should have died when I killed you." - John LeCarre

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins,

O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness;

therefore you are feared. - Psalm 130:3-4

During the course of a conversation last week, I told a client that everyone has secrets. The idea was to help the client feel less isolated. And, it is true. We have all witnessed or participated in events we do not want to share with others. Events we do not care to whisper to ourselves.

The client, who was overcome with guilt, looked up for the first time and asked, “What are your secrets?”

After a thick silence I deflected the question, but the question stayed in the room, long after the counseling session was over.

+++

Last year Warrior’s Rage was published by Navel Institute Press. I fought along side the author, Col. Douglas Macgregor. When the book was being written, I told Doug I did not want my name in the book, mostly because I did not want to be reminded of my own secrets.

After a flurry of phone calls from other soldiers in our unit, I relented and gave consent.

Doug retells a story from our first day of contact with the Iraqi army. He was concerned with an infantry unit that was opening fire as we approached their position …

So I called Cougar Forward and said: “Shoot that son of a b---- on the ridge before he hurts someone.”

Sergeant Rusty Holloway, the gunner for Cougar Forward, obliged with one round from the 25-mm chain gun, killing the Iraqi soldier, who was firing his AK47, taking his head and upper body off at about 1,100 meters with a 25-mm sabot round. After that, the rest of the Iraqi company surrendered, and the shooting subsided.

This was the first time I had seen a man killed in combat. The experience had an electrifying effect on me and on the troops who watched the event, but not the way most people would expect. The accuracy and lethality of the 25-mm chain gun was both terrifying and reassuring. Now we knew our guns worked.

Killing was easy.

We moved north and ran into other Iraqi units; then we engaged the Tawakana Division; then Andy was killed during a Republican Guard counter attack; and then things got ugly for the Iraqis … secrets.

There is something about wanting to stay alive, and keeping your friends alive, that makes killing easy, indeed. Later, after the fact, ending another's life is not so easy … secrets.

For a few hours, after Andy was killed, I completely turned myself over to evil. It was more than just survival reflex.

Later, after the fighting, I experienced depression for the first time in my life. My illusions about humanity, governments, human answers to problems, crumbled like a house of cards. For the first time I experienced how evil people could be, and that included myself.

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There are many victims of trauma who find their way to our counseling center. I do not identify with the victims; I identify with the perpetrators of violence. That is my secret.

When I talk about forgiveness, I talk about it in the context of someone who needs to be forgiven, not just to make it to the next life, but in order to make it through this one.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace. - Ephesians 1:7

... Father, thank You for being a God of second chances. Thank You for looking past our sins. Father, touch the hearts of those who do not yet know the power of Your redemptive love. We cry out to you in Jesus name ...

Fight plan

Every fighter has a plan, until they get hit in the mouth.

- Mike Tyson

The Christian life is not a playground but a battlefield.

- Billy Graham

Our faith is played out in our relationships. We talk about having a personal relationship with God, but that relationship never takes place in a vacuum. It is never just God and us alone ... never. People populate our stories as they unfold.

Life can throw some mighty wicked punches, the kind of punches that can be heard from across the street and bounce a person off the pavement. Sometimes these punches come from strangers. More often they come from people we love.

Life is hard. What do we do when the script we have written for our lives becomes a lie? What do we do when we are forced to reexamine everything we thought to be true?

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. - Philippians 4:13

God’s promises are not empty. He has a fight plan we can cling to when the world no longer makes sense. --We focus on mercy. We focus on repentance. We focus on forgiveness. -- In our relationships, we stand back up on faith ready for whatever comes next, focused on love personified, the precious blood of Jesus Christ.

Heartspace

I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...

- The Beatles

Who are you?

- The Who

Twenty-one years ago I walked into a dance club in southern Germany and met a young medical student named Daniela Nespital. - This next part is true. - The first moment I looked at her, even before we spoke, I wondered how our lives would unfold if we lived a lifetime together.

Seven months later we put our bikes on a train and traveled to Paris. I was a soldier, she was a student, we were in France. There was something about that girl, so I asked her to marry me.

Our life together continues to unfold ...

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Dani:

Thank you for saying yes that night in Paris. Thank you for writing to me when I was in Iraq, and for being there when I returned. Thank you for the times we cook together, travel together, talk about history, and share stories together. Thank you for being my lover. Most of all, thank you for our two boys. You are a good and loving mother.

Forgive me for the times I hurt you. There have been smiles, but there have been tears, too. Forgive me for not always listening to you. Forgive me for not sharing everything with you and for shutting you out of areas of my life. My heart aches to think of the times I made you cry.

I forgive you for the times you hurt me. You are human. Your intention was not to hurt me. Sometimes the world gets into our headspace and we make mistakes. I forgive you.

Dani, above all, I love you. Since the moment we met there has not been a day that I have not thought about you. You are fascinating, and sometimes mysterious to me. I desire to be close to you. I am here for you, and I offer you my strength.

You are firmly entrenched in my heartspace. If you could look inside my heart you would see the rose garden in Bamberg. And, standing in the middle would be you.

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...Father, thank You for the gift of Daniela. Bless our marriage. Bring us closer to You. We cry out in Jesus name...

Obedience Revisited

If you do not love your enemies then you do not know God. - St. Silouan

As Christians, how do we understand obedience in the context of forgiveness? Our world can be a cruel place.

If we are honest, we know we have all been victims and perpetrators of self-interest. People have wounded us, but we have also been the authors of hurt.

The line from one Smashing Pumpkins’ song says it well, “The world is a vampire sent to drain.” But humans, that is to say you and I, are the world.

If Solzhenitsyn is correct, if the line that divides good and evil cuts through the heart of every man, what is the solution? Better asked, who is the solution?

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. – John 3:16-17

But what about our enemies, what about forgiveness?

Jesus teaches us to not only forgive our enemies but to pray for them, too. Do we? Has your Church ever prayed for our enemies?

You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. - Matthew 5:43-44

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. - Luke 6:37

One day I was sitting in a local coffee shop, The Daily Grind, the smell of coffee lifting up to my nose, and I had a thought. – What if the body of Christ, the Church, made 9/11 a national day of prayer? A day we gather to pray for the well being and to bless those who make us their enemies? Would that be obedient to our Lord’s command?

Forgiveness is an act of the will, it is also an act of obedience. It unchains us from past wounds, but it costs us something.

However, it does not cost us as much as our forgiveness cost our Father in heaven.

That act of forgiveness cost Him, His son.

Tristan

As a parent I make mistakes all the time. Raising children is so hard.

At work and other places, when people tell me they hate Church I’ve noticed a phenomenon. Just five minutes into the conversation and about 90% percent start to rant about their parents or someone else who helped raise them.

I’ll politely interrupt and say, “Wait, you started by telling me why you’re mad at God, now you’re talking about your parents ... ”

Often they don’t notice the switch from one to the other. Their concepts of God-the-Father and others who have influenced them are completely enmeshed.

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The other day I went into my youngest child’s room while he was asleep to pray for him. It’s nearly impossible to pray for my boys when they’re awake. They are usually bouncing off the walls, or the furniture, or our dogs ... literally.

Tristan is such a beautiful boy. His name is Tristan Elliott, which loosely translated means “Turbulent-Servant-of-God.” What kind of man will he be? How will his life, his spiritual life, be different because of me? These are questions I ask myself, about both of my boys, all the time.

Tristan, if you read this someday, I love you so much. Forgive me for my imperfections. You are such a precious child.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28).

Parents are imperfect. But, Jesus loves you perfectly. If you are looking for peace and rest, ask Jesus into your heart. He is unique and complete. He picks up the slack where parents fall short. He loves YOU so much, He gave everything for you … Amazing …


"Father, thank you for the gift of Tristan and Lucas. Thank you for the gift of the children in our lives. Father, we so much need Your guiding hand in our lives. Command our spirits to do Your will in the lives of those we have authority over. We pray to You in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus."

Imperfect but Lovable

Martin Luther King is reported to have said, if you want to change someone, you need to love them first.

As a counselor I have conflicting thoughts concerning the suggestion one person has the power to change another. It seems I'm constantly warning married people, those frustrated spouses at their wits end, “the only person you can change is yourself,” which is true. Ultimately we only control our own actions.

However, I have witnessed powerful examples of how love, in the form of patience, kindness, self-sacrifice and above all forgiveness can transform relationships and marriages.

There have been times in my life where my own woundedness was really just hurt pride.

Self-pity, when indulged, is a form of narcissism. I’ve been there and it is a hard hole to climb out of without God’s help.

The Bible teaches that God does not simply employ love, but that God “is” love. (1 John 4:16). In other words the very essence of God is love.

This is how the Bible defines love:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

Love can only exist in the context of relationships. God loves you with increasable intensity. God gave up quite a lot to be in a relationship with you, as you are, imperfect,but lovable.

This kind of love has the power to change everything.

I bet that is what Martin Luther King was talking about.

"Father, I want to pray for the people who are seeking love, Your love. Thank you for being a God who calls us Your children. Find us and keep us close during difficult times. In Jesus name draw us closer to You and hear our prayer."