06 April 2010

Move toward trust (revisited)

Next week is the one year anniversary of the Port Orange Counseling Prayer Circle and Bullets & Butterflies. Bullets & Butterflies is re-posting a few of the posts from 2009, over the next few weeks, to commemorate that anniversary.

Move toward trust

Sitting on the green couch in my office a client told me, “It might seem harsh that I don’t trust you, but you know what? I don’t trust myself either. It’s prudent to distrust people.” I sat silent for several seconds, reflecting on what he said.

The man on the green couch had a point. As a counselor I get the feeling that the world is far more messed up than most people suspect. There is beauty in our world for sure, but these are islands and occasional subcontinents in a vast ocean of human pain. Humanity drives a hard bargain.


Near the beginning of this summer I was coming back from lunch, driving across the Intracostal Waterway with my friend and colleague, Leigh de Armas. An afternoon shower was drenching the vehicle we were in. It was a cleansing rain.

I told Leigh that I am a follower of Jesus Christ by default. I don’t have anything left to believe in, certainly not humanity. When I was broken I turned to Jesus Christ and His story of redemption. The healing I received when I put my faith in Jesus is real. Jesus is the only thing that has ever worked.


Like the man on the green couch, I struggle with mistrust. The last time I put my trust in a system designed by men, I participated in events that still wake me up at night. If I were brutally honest I would have to say that I often feel ashamed to be who I am, what I am, human.

However, now I have Jesus in my life. He loves me. I am certain of that. He forgives me. I am certain of that, too.

The most beautiful gift Jesus has given me here on earth is to reconcile me with humanity.

He tells me, “These are my children, too. I want you to care for them. I want you to show them that there is a better way. If you cannot completely trust them, if you cannot completely trust yourself, then trust me ... I want you to have faith in me and to love them.”

That is where I am. I see amazing beauty, compassion, even mercy in the lives of many people I know.

People, not only Christians, are capable of breath taking acts of self-sacrifice and love. I believe this is God using us, moving through us, healing us.

God has shown me that although I am moving toward trust, in reality I do not have to trust you or any other person. But for my own sanity I need to allow myself to love you. He knows my heart yearns to love you.

And, from the bottom of my heart, I do.

Thank you, Jesus...

... Father, you are our God and we praise You. Thank you for being a God of second chances. Bless us, our friends, our families, and those who consider us their enemy. Soften all of our hearts in Jesus name ...


  1. well, i missed this one the first time around...
    for sure, i would have remembered this.

  2. harvey AverneApril 07, 2010

    Soo Beautiful Russell

  3. I just wanted to stop in and say that I am now following your blog again. I used to be, but due to some privacy issues, had to go incognito. I look forward to reading your post again, and hope you follow me back to my new site. Thanks!

  4. For my own sanity I need to allow myself to love you.

    That's my favorite line in this. It makes me think that it is God's love for us which makes "love your neighbor" a command rather than an option.

  5. Greetings People: Thanks for the comments. I've been out of the loop most of the last week. Blessings ... :-)